And people will see all the good that's concealed.

Mr. Pitiful

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 08:01:04 GMT

so you know how when you look at a rose and it's thorns you get a sudden urge to touch it. Even though you know it will prick your fingertips you still get this urge to rub it lightly as if you learned how to touch it softly enough where it would do nothing. But once again you get a slight pinch and a single drop of blood comes flowing out....

you try so hard to stay away from it, but the rose is just so beautiful on it's own. So fragile and lonely just waiting to be loved. I try and try to paint you out of every picture in my mind. But when ever a song comes on, or I read a book, or even see a film that evokes a certain emotion I thought I had long lost...

it's just a reminder of how i failed. Failed you. failed myself. failed us. And i go on living the days like it's my last. Smiling, laughing, and dancing around like no one is watching. Indulging in life and all it's luster. Only to find it empty without you.

love when these things are on the money

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 07:54:57 GMT

Capricorn Dec 23 - Jan 19

Withholding your feelings may seem like a good idea; however, it can distance you from others who are as attracted to you as you are to them. Instead of placing artificial boundaries around your heart, express your emotions without expecting anything in return. No matter what happens, your integrity and vulnerability can pave the way for lasting friendship.

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 22:25:54 GMT

Is. 54:17

Arrows may be shooting your way, but He will turn them around for your benefit, for your good. We have to trust in Him believing that He is in control.

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 10:28:13 GMT

i guess i just realized nothing is ever going to be enough for me. it feels horrible. :(

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 22:06:05 GMT

I had the best spring break with my boy

CATALINA

strollin the streets

THE STROKES = AMAZING

DISNEYLAND & BDAY PARTIES

HOB: everytime i die/as i lay dying

i'm so happy

But even you can't save me from myself

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 01:15:03 GMT

I used to know this girl
Who gave her love away
To every guy she met
And with all the games they played
She never seemed to cry
She never got upset
And one by one they came
And one by one they left
I thought that I could fix her
If she would let me in
But all of my advances
Were shut down in the end
When days turned into months
I begged her to explain
And this is what she sang

It's not like I'm a slut
Or that I really like to fuck
I just want every boy I see
To walk away with part of me
Until there's nothing left to hold
Until there's nothing left to hate
I appreciate your help
But even you can't save me from myself

I used to know this boy
Who took notes in a book
But he ripped out all the pages
Before I got a look
At all the words he scribbled
At all the lines he filled
But the ink stains on his fingers
Told me he was skilled
At capturing a feeling
That most of us just miss
The simple pain of living
With goodbyes on our lips
I found one of the pages
Crumpled by her bed
And this is how it read

It's not like I am weak
Or that I don't know how to leave
It's just that every time you cheat
You bring me closer to defeat

Until there's nothing left to love
Until there's nothing left to say
I know that you need help
But even I can't save you from yourself

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 01:04:09 GMT

rockin taco, backalley, sachi's, letty's.

i finally got my phone back. 3 days without one is tough.
i still hate everything
but i'm kind of obsessed with kmart shoes, ebay, and claim jumper.
and... my friends do rule.

YOU SEE MY DILEMA!

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 05:16:38 GMT

it's not until you are truly hurting, that you show your true colors.

A ghost is screaming your name.

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 19:47:49 GMT

i'd post photos but its a waste of time because eveyrthing is ugly.

i hate you everything.

apart from that... i still hate everything, and i'm very boring. did nothing but shop this weekend with the best friend.

so...

sorry for everything.

God... i sound as angsty as a 15 year old goth girl.

here's to a wonderful valentines day.

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 04:26:39 GMT

i love you chad.

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 02:38:00 GMT

around 2 or 3 am on christmas day
...everyone's in love.

my cousin and i

mom and dad

lovers = alex & chad

we love the lil brother too :)

grandma in her smashing new robe i got her!

21, 41, and 61! that's right bitches, the best trio ever.

our great gift exchange <3

chad got to go first!

<333

Best christmas ever. so much love and dancing. it just reconfirmed how much i love my huge family!
it was also my birthday and our anniversay. <333 i guess 2006 is starting off nicer than i expected :)

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 09:51:46 GMT

climbed up on the rainbow just to see if I’d fall off
I’m a frosted lemon coward and I don’t know how
No, I don't know how
to hold you
without shaking
no I’m not aware of how I could possibly love you
without aching
yes I give you everything
yes I give you anything
I gave you everything
gotta watch myself
I’ve gotta love myself
and take care
and so keep the light on before
ya hop into bed
cos, baby, this is the last
honest look I’ll ever give

I saved up all my sunshine just to see you more clear
I’m a little short on solar and I haven’t given in
no I’m going to hold you anyway
and I’ll do it
without shaking
yes I’ll love you always and I’ll do it
without aching
yes I’d give you anything
yes I’d give you anything
I gave you everything
gotta watch myself
I’ve gotta love myself
and take care
and so keep the light on before
ya hop into bed
cos, baby, this is the last
honest look I’ll ever
give
I give you everything
I give you anything
I gave you everything
gotta watch my self I’ve gotta love myself
and take care yeah
gave you
I gave you
I gave you everything
so I’ve gotta watch myself and love myself and
take care
this is your last look
this is your last look
this is your last look
yeah this is your last look
this is your last look
this is your last look
and so keep the light on before
ya hop into bed
cos, baby, this is
the last honest look I’ll ever give

"he's gonna come back to you don't worry so much"

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 12:10:46 GMT

Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
...Aww take me back to the start

Smiling can be so consuming <3

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 17:47:35 GMT

happy halloween <3

hold on to that feeling

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 06:48:04 GMT

love love love these girls

how cute are my boy and i

my fav part of formals is OVIOUSLY dressing up

getting my future lil sis :)

sorority life haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

making memories with the girls

and being the lasts ones to leave the dancefloor <3
what more could i ask for?????

Th 5:16 + 21

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 17:03:31 GMT

This post is huge.

Chad is my favourite.

the awesomeness of rach b and jli

and a lot of bacardi razz = no bueno

i love you chad and everything was going great...

until my eyes started to get asian and i got sick and passed out by 11 :(

so i had a lot of making up to do @ the birthday dinner.

sushi & a lacoste shirt.... can we say yuppies??? <3

Happy Birthday Chad... I know it wasn't the greatest but in the end i hope the joyful times outweigh the bad ones.

I feel like the worst girlfriend ever. But this weekend we get to go away to VEGAS baby so hopefully the change will be good. I got my hair done again on tues and i swore i told her not to cut it but she trimmed off a good couple of inches :( hmmmm what else... Whenever I go shopping for bday presents I end up spending too much money and buying a whole heap of stuff for myself as well. But I got cute jackets for winter yay (even though its a billion degrees out), a couple of skirts, some beads and bangles, and a new channel purse!!! oh how i love you santee alley. In other news i've been eating like crazy i don't know whats wrong with me. and now chad really has an excuse to make fun of my chubby cheeks :/ I bought a gym membership last month and I still haven't used it. gaw i suck at life.

i'll stop the world and melt with you...

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 17:22:16 GMT

and i love sharing special days with you. Happy 21st this weekend will be wonderful <3

i love chad!

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 07:25:01 GMT

i love shots like these

im waiting for my bf to get off work so we can go to jen's bday party...
gezzz anticipation is the biggest tease i swear!
I really miss not having a digital camera :(
i also have a bunch of pretty polaroids i need to scan but i have no scanner :(
my heart is going 2891839108 times a minute and i think it's because of this stupid cold medicine im taking. I hate being sick. I feel like i've been non stop go go go and have had no time to just sit back and breathe....

hug me till you drug me honey, kiss me till i'm in a coma

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 08:52:12 GMT

i want to sleep like in a comma but instead i have insomnia.

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 23:15:23 GMT

CAIT AND ERI I FUCKING MISS YOU BOTH!
i am writing you a letter in livejournal because i know how fond you are of disgustingly soppy public displays of affection. Like when we wrestle in the sand at lame bonfires to the point where we spend the rest of the nite trying to get the sand out of our undies and fire smelling hair. will you PLEASE come home to me already? long beach to santa barbara is literally worse than all the times we tried to sneak out of high school before our 7th period was done and that stupid fat bitch would check our IDs as we left campus so we would try to sneak out with the rush of people. this distance is stabbing my poor little mexican label whore loving heart & breaking my poor fucked up in the head mind. i want you to come to my house so my mom can cook us some elaborate mexican dish with lots of sour cream and cheese and caitlin will eat it all because u love me and my mom and erica will eat it all because you love my moms cooking as well. I promise i won't even make you guys pick me up every time we go out or listen to me complain about all my stupid drama. i promise! peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are all we need... that and some simply soda to make us happy. and i hate being sad and i just want my girls to be here for me and help me be strong and tell me i will be okay.

if santa barbara keeps you any longer i am going to lock myself in my room & listen to interpol while weeping into my warm zebra blanket and brand new leopard print sheets that u have yet to see because u never come to long beach anymore. I have so much to tell you and talk to you about that i want to drag u home with me and watch 4 hours of law & order on tivo untill your moms call to make sure you are okay wondering where the hell you are. All the pictures and memories in my room aren't enough anymore to satisfy me and i just want my best friends for more than a stupid weekend to play with and talk to and make me happy again. when you come home we are going to wait untill it rains and jump off my roof into the pool that my parents finally have heated and we're going to laugh and cry and take lots of pictures and talk shit on everyone and it will be wonderful because i love you guys and you love me.
<3 me

.boyfriend.polaroids.

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 01:48:01 GMT

and if a double decker bus crashes into us...

...to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die.

stole this from cait

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 07:28:36 GMT

Life is too short to be anything but happy, so kiss slowly, love deeply, forgive quickly, take chances and forget the past, but not what it has taught you

i want to see them live again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 10:55:50 GMT

every day is a weekend now. All my best thoughts come to me late at night but im usually too tired or intoxicated on life to write. Summer feels weird your second year of college over. Not quite grown up, but i could still get away with murder. It's been fun though nothings really standing in my way. I love the sunrise, and dinners, and hang out sessions, the sun, the beach, night life....
the headaches, bruises, tears all remind me that im living <3

it's good. everything has been really good. But when i feel sick i just want you to be here.

ps. i miss my digi :(

i got my hair done...

Tue, 17 May 2005 19:45:24 GMT

Youre all I need
... and maybe some faith would do me good
X

watch me as i gravitate ha ha ha ha ha ha

Wed, 11 May 2005 08:28:50 GMT

i've really been lagging these past couple weeks and not going to class :/ Today i didn't go to my 2:30 class because i was finishing my stupid anthro reasearch paper. The end of the semester is really catching up to me... dam.

I want the sun to come out and play already. :(
I like talking to you at 2 am. i always win though.
I want the new season of the OC to come on dvd already.
I want to paint your toe nails with my red nail polish :) and then you can paint mine...
I like calls from my husband before i go to bed every night
I want to be able to make you cookies... and not small fires
I want my computer to be really fast so i can finally fill my ipod up with fun music
I like strawberry lemonade
I want you to look at me and smile
I like when i fall asleep in your arms
I like all the bullshit, really.
I want fresh strawberry pie everyday
I want to go shopping and make you try on funy things every day!
I like the white rose you gave me when u picked me up from my house.
I want to smoke your cigerettes because u can't have any!
I like it when mizzle sticks up for me to all those stupid bitches!
I like it when i pass out and laura takes silly pictures on my camera.
I like hearing your voice.
I want to hear your voice.
I want to go for walks in the rain again.
I want to take photos of you
I want to sit in a sail boat and see where it will take me.
I wonder if you'll follow...
I want to watch the OC and alias with you on my tivo :)
I want you to want more really...
I want to dance my ass off @ the wenie roast!
I neeeeeeeed to get my hair done.
I want to know your intentions
I want to live in an abyss of good music forever
I want to have a lil baby with a mohawk in 10 years
I want to see my loves in SB because i miss them :(
I like that you like suprises
I want to feel that moment when u kissed me all over again.
I want to drink champagne every nite and have u carry me to bed
I want to go camping!
actually i would rather go shopping :)
I want to watch scary movies with you and have to hold onto ur hand really hard
I want to hold your hand as we walk into a party
I want to cuddle with you its been forever!
I want to stop being confused
I want the good nites and the fun to never end.
I want to do good in school
I want to make my mom happy
I want to feel close to you again
I want to calm down a little, just a little ;)
I want to suprise you!
I want to be happy.
I want Laura to wear short skirts with me
I want Lindsay to forgive me.
I want to stop lying to myself
I want everything to be so simple.
I want to hear the birds chirping when i wake up.
I want to have self control.
I want to be friends with you.
I want to be happy.
I like it when u call me sweetie or cutiee